You Dont really know me

The girl who always says yes,
Wants to scream no.
Takes over everyone’s stress,
And ignores her own.
The life and soul of the party,
But loves to stay home.
She say’s she’s not broken-hearted,
But she cries on her own.

Playing pretend,
I shouldn’t hide it
It isn’t right
Being a liar
I’m crossing the line
Dancing with fire,
When I’m not fine
Should I deny it?

Cause I’m going crazy when I’m not okay,
I keep praying that the cracks don’t show my pain,
Cause even when I’m falling, I say my life is like a dream,
But I’m fighting through a nightmare,
Cause I’m not really being me,
See you don’t really know me.

The girl who starts all the jokes
Just make her laugh,
Preaches the do’s and the don’t’s
But loves to be bad,
Smiles when they guess who she’s loving
What they say makes her mad
She says “I’m fine, I need nothing”
But she hopes for your hand

You don’t really know me,
How can you know me?
Cause I’m going crazy when I’m not okay,
I keep praying that the cracks don’t show my pain,
Cause even when I’m falling, I say my life is like a dream,
But I’m fighting through a nightmare,
Cause I’m not really being me,
See you don’t really know me.

Gratitude

Well hello there! Sounds like a typical Chat up line? haha but honestly I’m close enough to raise that white flag in submission to say I’ve given up. Given up on certain things.
For now

you heard me.

It’s about time to get my vision clear and set my goals and expectations again. I am certainly more than this.
I hate that I have so much free time. I want to work twice, trice more so as to keep my mind busy, doing something productive than mess with the Boys Drama again. Yea sure, go ahead, stalk me all you want, judge me? be my guest!

As much as my curiosity on how it feels like being obnoxious, I stand firm to being a smart, poise and classy young woman. I wont let what has happened change me into something worst. instead im channeling that into something positive. it thought me that bad days don’t last forever and of course there’s always a lesson to be learnt!

im so proud of myself.

I love myself more and more each day. (haha shameless)

I hope you there who’s going through a hard time, to chin up, because honey, it can only get better.
Trust YOURSELF.

Many loves,

Lyla

xx

5 Practical Realities Of Getting Over Your Unrequited Crush

Faith

November seems to always be a rough month for 5 consecutive years like there’s some bad omen about this month, so to speak.
My friends, siblings and family seem to be in a pretty down and blue mood. I feel the need to be okay around them and make them feel a tad bit better even when i’m so close to crumble and cry if anyone were to ask ” Are you OK?”
My best friend got into the hospital and i’ve got a hunch that her break up is the main cause of her malnourished diet which caused her to faint. I feel angry and somehow helpless. Because as much as I want to shake her up and say Dont be foolish to make yourself suffer because of a guy, I very well know that it’s easier said than done. But I really wished that I could do something to ease up her broken heart.
We make it seem like women are always at the losing end. Why can’t we change the stereotypical mindset and say that men are at their losing end for ditching or leaving a strong and faithful women?
Faith.
Faith in ourselves and God would help nuture us to be better and stronger.
You just gotta have a leap of faith.

Tonight, imma get the peanut butter and jam with a toast bread and hell yea,
Here’s to the broken hearted women around the world, indulge all you want and make yourself feel better. This too shall past. But remember that you’re beautiful no matter what others say. Their opinions doesn’t define you.

Cheers to that!
Many loves,

Lyla

Breathe the Fresh air

So many have happened i don’t know where to start.

ok so first, i must say that i guess for real things have ended. after a good 3 years, he decide to leave me and not to mention left a very traumatic and scarring effect on me that would probably never leave my memory unless some knight in shining armor comes along and kiss away this excruciating pain. (let’s get real for we all know that only exist in fairy tale :p )

i still can recall how he has verbally abuse me and hurt me by saying things like im a F***ing loser and what not. all the profanities were too much for me to handle. it also has influenced me into saying such words whenever i get angry. Clearly i know that is something i have to stop and change that attitude because i know that isnt me in the first place.

Profanities are something i couldnt tolerate and haha how ironic that as much as i detest it, i use it quite frequent these days. That has got to stop! My health has been deteriorating lately and he hasnt been there for me needless to say he chose to leave during the time i needed him most.

Mental illness is not a joke. i cant express how important and serious it is. Most people think that it is a light issue but it isnt. you shouldnt just shrug it off. i thank God for giving me the strength to pull it through the stormy weather. i’m starting to make improvements for myself. working out often, reading as much as i possibly can, and finding light in any way possible.

Things will be Ok. Hang in there.

So lately i went out with another lad. i mean not exactly “going out” or a date. or is it? haha
but i gotta admit, it was definitely a good experience. He was a gentleman and have really good manners. TALL and the best thing ever was he wore blue, YES BLUE on our first meet up. that was probably a plus point for me. but no dont get me wrong. he is not a rebound or whatever. it’s just, we’re going out as friends? it’s not like he’s interested in me anyway. besides, a heart throb like him, would probably have many girls eyeing on him regardless.

I hate that i let my emotions get the best of me. i cried. LOL. yes i cried. because i felt that most guys are the same.

but that’s when i was wrong. clearly i wasnt thinking with my head.

after all that has happened, i know for sure, i should never EVER EVER depend on ANY guy again. i will make myself as the important factor for my own happiness. i can live

without a man to embrace my imperfections. maybe sometimes i could really use a hug here and there, but never will i ever fall into a guy’s trap and their games again. I’ve had enough. You see they just dont understand that it’s a circle. when guys act like total mindless and egocentric person, it’ll make the girls hurt and that’s when the girls turn bad.

As for me, im focusing on myself now. i’ve been broken and damaged. i need all the time to recuperate and get better. Better than ever. Just you wait.

so here’s to a new chapter in life. Every ending has a new beginning. Cheers!

with many loves,

Lyla

Thousand Stars

It’s a full moon night.
I wonder where the stars are hiding.

Sometimes I hate the night,
Because that’s when the thoughts are running.
The loneliness feeling starts to settle in, and then we’ll start to feel inadequate for many ridiculous reasons.
We’ll start to rebuttle our right state of mind and think that all that has happened was our fault.
We’ll start to self pity ourselves hoping that somewhere, somehow, someone could reach out to us and hold up their hand to say “It’s Alright.”
It’s when we’ll have to itch to pick up the phone and type a message to the person we shouldn’t miss,
Typing it too many times yet we still stopped ourselves to hit the sent button.
It’s when you want to call them anyway but end up calling others.
It’s when you wish you could just wake up feeling numb so you won’t have to go through this massacre.

It’s a lonely road again.
And no matter how hard it is, I know Im not alone.

It’s a full moon night.
I wonder where the stars are hiding,
Cause I could really use a wish right now.