If you ever read this, i just want to let you know that:
i am honestly grateful to the both of you for bringing me to this world, to see, hear, touch and taste. privileges that you have given to me i will forever be grateful to them. too many times i have mentioned to myself that whatever i do for you, particularly you, MOTHER, is it ever enough?
you compared me to kids who are better off than me academically,
compared me to kids who wears tudung(muslim headwear) with all due respect to the religion, i do believe that it is not up to you to tell me when i should wear it. a latter’s faith should be well equipped BEFORE you wear them, it is how i perceive it. doesnt mean you wear them, it makes you a saint. likewise if you go to the church/mosque everyday, it doesnt make you a good person.
you compared me to better looking kids and even treat them better than your own kids.
you said hurtful things to me but expect me to open up to you.
But let me remind you:
who was the one who took care of you when you were sick
who was the one who stayed up late nights helping with the family business
do I have to remind you who was the one who washed the countless big pots when you were so stingy to pay wages for men to washed them. Who? Yes, your 2 girls washed them while you strut home cause your were the boss.
who was the one who cleaned the house every day? Who washed the dishes, do the laundry and cleared up the shit?
were the kids you spoke highly of there for you when you needed them? TELL ME MOTHER, were they?
I lost counts on the number of people who turned their back at you and yet here, your children were the one who will help you out eventually.
Did you know I was suffering? Did you once asked why I lost weight tremendously? No you didn’t, instead you said I look….not pretty? Did you know I had major depression? Did you know I took Maritime Business to make Dad proud? Everything I did, well mostly, I did for the family. Not once was it appreciated was it?
And when I hit 23, you want to dictate my life too? Yes I date someone not from the same religion and race. Religion is an issue, I am well aware of that, but we are sorting it out. Instead of shutting me off and dissing me, shouldn’t you talk about it with me and discuss it like mature adults? MATURE ADULTS. It’s pointless because the world you live in evolves solely around you. You don’t consider other people’s lives and opinions because EVERYONE have to listen to you.
You scarred me mother. You did. You scarred everyone in the family. I don’t know when you will realise this but I hope you do when you’re old. Money can’t buy you the happiness, power and control you want on people.
It pains every nerve in me to see you treat MY DAD like this. Im so sorry dad. Im so sorry you have to see me this way. Im so sorry I made this decision to disappoint you. I want you to know I love you so much. You are very important to me dad. You have been a really great dad, listener, and my best friend and you will always be. I hope God will ease your broken heart. I know you’re suffering, but have faith in me please. I’ll work hard and take good care of you. I’ll bring you around to see the world. Just hold on to me, you can depend on me daddie, yes you can and you have my word for it.
Death should be easy, because life is tough as hell. Welcome to my life.
Unvogueme 